Cait Sith in: "Walkin' the Mog"
by Carbuncle
Summary: Finally, a fic from me where Cait Sith is the star. This means that if you don't like the (probably) least popular FFVII character, then you're unlikely to think much of this fic. Anyway, Cait Sith is ordered to hand his most treasured possession (not his


FINAL FANTASY VII  
  
Cait Sith in: "Walkin' the Mog"  
  
(open to the Gold Saucer Entrance. Cloud, Tifa and Aeris are outside)  
Cloud: Three tickets please!  
Kiosk: That'll be 3000 gil please, sir.  
Cloud: 3000 gil? (pulls out some money from his pocket) Damn...  
Tifa: What's the matter, Cloud?  
Cloud: Uh... I only have enough money for two of us.  
Tifa: Oh...  
Aeris: Aw, I guess we'll have to come back later then.  
Cloud: No way! I'll get us in! You just watch! (to kiosk) Do you take GP?  
Kiosk: Only inside the park, sir.  
Cloud: ...uh, okay. Well, I've got some Wutain yen here. D'ya take them?  
Kiosk: I'm sorry, sir, but we only accept gil here at the Gold Saucer.  
Cloud: Damn!  
Tifa: We can come back another time, Cloud. Don't worry about it.  
Cloud: No! I've been looking forward to this for weeks! I wanna ride the Gondola!  
Cait Sith: (comes out of the park) Ah, another shift over. It's the best time of the day. (notices his friends) Oh, hey guys! What're you doin' here?  
Cloud: Cait Sith! We need to get into the Gold Saucer, but we don't have enough molah!  
Cait Sith: I'm sorry, Cloud, but I'm afraid I'm not at liberty to give freebies. They'd fire me on the spot if they found out.  
Cloud: But we really wanna get in! I mean, I can afford to pay for two of us, but then the other would have to lose out, and that isn't fair, is it? Isn't there any way you could help?!  
Cait Sith: Well... I suppose if you're desperate... I might have a plan... (Cloud and Tifa are now shown by the kiosk with Cait Sith)  
Cloud: Two tickets please. (hands her the money)  
Kiosk: Thank you, sir. Enjoy yourselves. (Cloud and Tifa start to walk in)  
Cait Sith: (to Kiosk) Uh, I left my, uh, materia in my locker. D'ya mind if I go back in for a while an' get it?  
Kiosk: Certainly. You do work here, after all.  
Cait Sith: Thanks, ma'am! (walks through the entrance with a limp)  
  
(cut to the Gold Saucer Lobby. Cloud, Tifa and Cait Sith, who still walks with a limp, enter)  
Cloud: Wowee! I can't believe it worked! We got away with it!  
Cait Sith: (wheezes) Of course we (wheezes) did...  
Tifa: I'm surprised they didn't even check you.  
Cait Sith: Hey, you can get away with anythin' when you've got an artificial body like mine! I'm real popular with the mafia, you know!  
Cloud: Yeah, well, the coast's clear now. You can let her out.  
Cait Sith: Sure! (jumps off his stuffed mog) Come on out, Aeris! (unzips the mog) Aeris?  
Cloud: What's wrong?  
Cait Sith: Uh, heh heh, nothing!  
Cloud: Are you sure?  
Cait Sith: Yep, everything's fine!  
Tifa: Tell Aeris to get a move on. We haven't got all day.  
Cait Sith: Uh, say, why don't you two go on ahead? Aeris'll catch up with ya later.  
Cloud: Nah.  
Cait Sith: ...then I'll just go get her, shall I?  
Cloud: Yeah, hurry it up, spy.  
Cait Sith: Heh heh... (touches the back of the mog lightly, and Aeris's body falls out) ...ulp!  
Tifa: What the...??  
Cloud: ...  
Cait Sith: Yeah, well I've never actually transported anythin' with a pulse inside my stuffed body before.  
Cloud: You've killed Aeris!  
Cait Sith: (panicking) It wasn't my fault! She should've equiped an oxygen tank!  
Cloud: You're not going to get away with this, spy!  
Cait Sith: You guys, it was an accident!  
Cloud: We'll deal with you later! Come on, Tifa, let's ride the Gondola! (grabs Tifa by the arm and runs off)  
  
(cut to Midgar Public Courthouse. All the usual people are there, hell if I know who they are, as well as some of the Final Fantasy VII cast. Cait Sith is in the box)  
Prosecutor: Mr. Sith, do you know a woman by the name of "Aeris Gainsborough"?  
Cait Sith: Uh, yeah.  
Prosecutor: Who is Aeris Gainsborough?  
Cait Sith: She's... a flower girl from the Slums.  
Prosecutor: I must ask, Mr. Sith: do you have anything against Ms. Gainsborough?  
Cait Sith: ...no, nothin' at all. I think she was a fine li'l lassie.  
Prosecutor: I notice how you used the past tense. I quote, "she WAS a fine li'l lassie." What has happened to the woman in question now, Mr. Sith?  
Cait Sith: Uh... she's dead.  
Prosecutor: Yes, and how was it that she came to be... dead, as you put it.  
Cait Sith: Um, are you allowed to ask these sorta questions?  
Cloud: Stop wastin' the man's time, Sith!!  
Prosecutor: I shall repeat the question: how was it that she, Ms. Gainsborough, came to be dead?  
Cait Sith: She kinda, uh, suffocated inside my stuffed body.  
Prosecutor: She... suffocated inside your stuffed body?  
Cait Sith: Yeah, but it was a complete error of judgement on her part. She should've never agreed to it.  
Cloud: She didn't agree to it! You forced her to get in!  
Cait Sith: Ahem, may I remind you that it was YOU who forced her into it, Strife! You just didn't wanna pay the extra 3000 gil!  
Cloud: Why you flea ridden piece of crap!  
Cait Sith: Oh yeah!? You wanna come over here and say that, partner?! (Cloud gets out of his seat and starts to fight with Cait Sith)  
Judge: (hits his gravol) Order! Order in the mother #@$%^&* court!  
Prosecutor: It seems to me you have something of a violent nature, Mr. Sith.  
Cait Sith: Violent nature? Me? I'm a complete pussy! In fact, I'm even more of a pussy than Red XIII.  
Red XIII: Why you little! (jumps out from his seat and leaps upon Cait Sith)  
Judge: Order! Please cease this goddamn nonsense!  
Prosecutor: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, please take note of what has been said here in court today, and make the right decision. Do the right thing, and help send this bastard to jail. The prosecution rests.  
Tifa: He's in deep trouble now...  
Cloud: Yeah, poor Cait Sith...  
Tifa: Cloud, I thought you didn't like Cait Sith. Didn't you want him to go down for the death of Aeris?  
Cloud: Oh yeah, I did. I hope they lock him up and throw away the key!  
  
(cut to 7th Heaven. Cloud, Tifa, Barrett and Red XIII are in the basement)  
Cloud: I can't believe he got off! Is there no justice in the world?!  
Tifa: Well, at least he won't be able to suffocate innocent people anymore.  
Red XIII: Yes, I suppose that problem has now been sorted out.  
Barrett: Sure looks weird though... (pan across to see Cait Sith on the couch, without his stuffed mog)  
Cait Sith: Feels weird too!  
  
(cut to the Gold Saucer. Cait Sith, still mogless, walks into his locker room. Dio is there, too)  
Dio: My God, Sith! You look kinda different, baby! You get a hair cut?  
Cait Sith: Nope. (struggles to reach his locker) Come... on... argh! (to Dio) Uh, little help?  
Dio: Of course, my furry little pussy! (lifts Cait Sith up to his locker)  
Cait Sith: (ashamed) Thanks... (opens his locker and pulls his megaphone out)  
Dio: (puts Cait Sith back on the floor) Ah ha! Now I've got it! You changed your underwear, right?  
Cait Sith: No. The law confiscated my robot body, 'cause someone suffocated inside it.  
Dio: Ooh, saucy!  
Cait Sith: It's a darn shame, Dio. Without my stuffed moogle, why, I'm only half a man, uh, cat.  
Dio: Well, as long as it doesn't interfere with your work, you've still got a job here.  
  
(cut to North Corel. Cait Sith, who looks really run down, leaves the Ropeway, with all his belongings)  
  
(cut to 7th Heaven. Cloud, Tifa and Barrett are in the bar. Cait Sith walks in)  
Barrett: You home early, spy.  
Cait Sith: I've been fired!  
Tifa: What? Why?  
Cait Sith: Aw, this guy kept tryin' to pull on my tail, so I clawed his eyes out, and, uh, that's when Dio got pissed. Y'know, it would've never have happened if I'd had been atop of my stuffed moogle. No one could meddle with my work then.  
Cloud: Here, have some lunch, Cait Sith. (gives Cait Sith a bowl of cat food) I was gonna eat it myself, but since you're here...  
Cait Sith: ...thanks. (starts to eat the food as a normal cat would)  
Barrett: So whatcha gonna do now, spy?  
Cait Sith: No idea! I don't suppose you know anyone who's lookin' fer a trust worthy employee like myself, do you?  
Cloud: Nope.  
Tifa: Nope.  
Barrett: Nope. No, hang on. (pause) Nope.  
Cait Sith: Oh, who am I kiddin'!? I can't live without my body! I have to get it back!  
Cloud: No way, Cait Sith! That old stuffed body of yours was nothing but trouble! Look at what happened to what's-her-name... y'know... the girl... in the pink dress... (clicks his fingers) God, um... Tifa, help me out here.  
Tifa: ...Aeris?  
Cloud: Yeah, look at what happened to poor Aeris!  
Cait Sith: That was an accident! How many times must I say this?!  
Cloud: Ah yah yah yah yah! Spare me!  
Cait Sith: I've decided! I'm goin' down to the courthouse tonight and I'm gonna get my body back... (points to Cloud) ...and you're gonna help me!  
Cloud: (pause) Look, are you gonna eat (indicates the cat food) all that or not?  
  
(cut to the Sector 3 Slums. Cloud and Cait Sith are there. Cloud is dressed in black leather)  
Cloud: I still don't get why I have to help you get your body back.  
Cait Sith: 'Cause it's your darn tootin' fault that the courthouse confiscated it in the first place!  
Cloud: Yeah, well you shouldn't have killed Aeris.  
Cait Sith: Let's not start this again. Follow me. (he and Cloud sneak over to an open window) We can sneak in through here.  
Cloud: 'kay.  
  
(cut to Midgar Public Courthouse. Cloud and Cait Sith climb in through the window)  
Cait Sith: We're in! Now let's find that body o' mine! (he and Cloud begin to search the room)  
Cloud: (opens a cupboard) Ooh, so that's where my mojo went...  
Judge: (offscreen) Who's there?! Is someone in there?!  
Cait Sith: Holy crap! It's the Judge! Hide!  
Cloud: There's no time! (they stand in the same spot for a few minutes)  
Judge: (opens the door and walks in) What the hill is going on in here?! Who the devil are you two?!  
Cloud: Uh... hi? We're the, uh...  
Judge: Wait a minute... aren't you the two kids who spray painted my dog last week?  
Cloud: (ashamed) Yeah, sorry about that. It was just a dare that got out of hand.  
Judge: Ah, and you were in court earlier, too!  
Cait Sith: Mr. Judge, please, please, please will you let me have my body back?! I can't live without it, and believe me, I've tried!  
Judge: I'm sorry, but that body has to be locked away for everyone's own safety. I'm afraid I cannot just give it back.  
Cait Sith: But-  
Judge: But nothing! Now get out of here before I convict your asses! (Cait Sith sighs)  
  
(cut to the 7th Heaven basement)  
Cloud: ...then how about this?! (Tifa leads a chocobo into the room)  
Cait Sith: I can't sit on one of those all day! I'd get even more parasites than usual!  
Cloud: All right then. What about the old car tire? You liked that, right?  
Cait Sith: It made my fur all dirty.  
Cloud: (sighs) I give up!  
Cait Sith: There's no body like my body! I'm not interested in cheap alternatives!  
Cloud: Then there's only one thing left to do, Cait Sith. You'll have to end your life.  
Tifa: (angry) Cloud!  
Cait Sith: No, he's right, bar hostess. The only way out of this is suicide.  
Barrett: (walks into the basement with Cait Sith's stuffed moogle) Lookin' for this, cat?  
Cait Sith: My body?!  
Barrett: Yep! (places it on the floor) Try it for size!  
Cait Sith: (climbs onto the moogle) Yes! It's perfect! Just as it was before this whole sorry mess ever occurred! Barrett, I-I don't know what to say!  
Barrett: Jes' buy me a beer later.  
Cait Sith: You got it! Hee hee! I'm going to get my old job back now! See ya! (leaves)  
Cloud: Barrett... how did you get it back from the authorities?  
Barrett: Authorities?! You're kiddin', right? I jus' did what any intelligent person would do. I went back to ol' Reeve and asked him to build a replacement body.  
Tifa: Makes sense to me.  
Cloud: Praise the lord! Now hopefully things can get back to normal around here.  
Barrett: (sighs) Somehow I doubt it...  
  
(cut to the Gold Saucer. Cait Sith is back in his rightful place in Wonder Square)  
Cait Sith: Step right up! Step riiight up! Getcha fortune told! Only 3 GP! Get 'em while they're still available!  
  
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THE END__________  
  
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End file.
